Schools in England leave no room for masturbation in their sex education classes, which results in shame and embarassment later on in life. Missile's survey reveals the truth about our childhood sexual behaviour

Aimee Gibbs' character in Sex Education is played by Aimee Lou Wood. The character experimented with masturbation for the first time during season two of the series

Image: Netflix

Do you remember your first sexual experience? Perhaps it was your first kiss with the hottest boy in your class, behind the bike sheds at lunch time. Or maybe an arm-aching hand job that ended awkwardly on a school trip. Angus Thongs and Prefect Snogging is to blame for many a slobbery first kiss.

However, sexual behaviour and expression begins earlier than many of us think (or would like to remember.) In an investigation by Missile, 61% of women* surveyed admitted they felt shameful and embarrassed about their sexual behaviour during childhood. In 2022, we are surrounded by positive sexual influences, we see Daphne Bridgerton enjoy masturbation on Netflix, as well as Aimee Gibbs from Sex Education who explores self-pleasure for the first time. How could we possibly be living in a “sex-positive” society if we can’t discuss where it all began?

Dr. Talbot, an Educational and Child Psychologist in London, conducted research in 2016 into the concerns around sexualised behaviour in children. She considers child sexual behaviour to be problematic when it occurs at high frequency, interferes with their cognitive development and/or is associated with emotional distress, among other things.  Whereas normal behaviour can be defined as “limited in type and frequency and balanced by curiosity about other aspects of their lives”. It can often feel shameful to look back on our sexual tendencies, but Dr. Talbot affirms the normality of it. “Sexual exploration in childhood is also an information-gathering activity,” she says, “hence the interest in looking at others, understanding toileting and gender roles and behaviours”. “Common behaviours are touching one’s own body from time to time and playing ‘doctors and nurses’, ‘mummies and daddies’ and kissing and hugging games,” she continues.

Studies show that among women, masturbation in childhood and adolescence have been associated with a healthy self-image, leading to enjoyable sex in early adulthood. Women who harvested negative views about masturbation reported negative first sexual experiences. Despite clear evidence of its positive effect on adulthood, masturbation in females is highly stigmatised and this results in under-reporting in research, even with the use of confidential reporting methods. A study carried out to assess masturbation prevalence and frequency reported that across the ages of 14-17, 74% of males and 48% of females masturbated.

American journalist, Ann Friedman, says that the “notion that women enjoy sex has not yet achieved scientific or cultural acceptance”. These notions begin at a young age and are therefore carried through adolescence and into adulthood. In The Female Eunuch, feminist author and academic Germaine Greer writes: “The little girl is not encouraged to explore her own genitalia... the very idea is distasteful.”

Feminist author and Instagram older sister, Florence Given, was inundated by women’s sexual confessions when she asked her followers about their first queer crush. Confessions varied from dry humping at sleepovers, acting out sexual scenes from television soaps, using hairbrushes and games controllers as dildos and vibrators and playing a game of “mummies and daddies” as an excuse to kiss. It can be easy to attribute these urges to the easy access of raunchy programmes such as Big Brother but children were experimenting in such ways much before the exposure to steamy shower scenes and under-the-cover grinding.

Just a handful of the responses Given received after asking her followers about their sexual behaviour as children

Images: @florencegiven

Among these online revelations were messages of relief, thanking Florence for “liberating” them and freeing them of their “dark secrets”. The shame attached to these natural experiences is the result of a lack of education and minimal conversations around sexual education at home.  

Relationships Education, Health Education, and Relationships and Sex Education (RHSE) became compulsory in English schools in 2020 but the lack of education surrounding self-pleasure is astounding. The Department of Education released a document of statutory guidance for RHSE lessons, failing to include any mention of the words “masturbation” or “self-pleasure”. In 2019, more than 240 primary schools in the UK introduced the All About Me programme for children ages six to 10, which taught young children about the “rules of self-touching”. The programme was soon scrapped amid fears of parents who deemed it unacceptable and over-sexualised.

In other European countries, such as Italy, any form of sex education in school or at home is a rarity. Adelaide Guerisoli, a 22-year-old Central Saint Martins student, tells Missile: “Sex education isn’t a thing in Italy, not even your parents teach you. You have to work it out for yourself.”

From games controllers to hairbrushes, self-pleasure is often assisted by random, household items

Illustration by Lily Dearman

Some schools are still segregating students by gender for sexual education lessons. This means that students can grow up oblivious to the issues faced by the opposite gender. Young boys are uneducated on menstrual cycle and young girl are unaware of issues facing men of all ages including nocturnal emissions (wet dreams). Shameful feelings regarding sexual experiences can begin in school; fashion journalist Jasmine Federer says she vividly remembers “rumours being spread around secondary school of a girl who ‘fingered herself’, as if it was disgusting and her instinct was to deny it to everyone”.

Missile carried out a study to investigate the embarrassment associated with female adult masturbation. Out of 150 women surveyed, 27% admitted they were embarrassed to discuss masturbation with anyone. We opened up the conversation to Missile readers and allowed them to share their experiences, providing many “that’s a weight off my chest” moments. See if you can relate to any of your fellow Missile readers.

“My friend and I would pretend to be Stacy and Max from EastEnders and make out in our bedrooms. Whenever I thought back to that time, I just assumed I was a closeted lesbian.”

“I always used to feel such a rush of guilt when I had these orgasms at such a young age, it all felt so wrong but now I can look back and know it was natural.”

“When I was sat down on a chair in primary school, if I crossed my legs in a certain way, I could rub myself against the seam of my trousers. I sometimes do it ‘by accident’ now...”

“I used to look up ‘girls kissing’ on the family laptop and sit and watch in awe, before quickly slamming the laptop lid when I heard footsteps.”

*61% of 150 people surveyed.